The Source of Tears
by PitViper
Summary: Prequel to "The Path of Tears". The Black Moon is found, and what affect will it have on Lilith? (Sorry, I'm really not that good with these summaries) - Please Read and Review.


The Source of Tears

Evangelion Fan Fiction

By PitViper

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Author's Notes: 

Hey, this is a sort of prequel to "Path of Tears" that I posted earlier.   Consider this Fic to be a background history Conversations and Observations and for our favorite lady with blue hair :)   Hopefully, you'll enjoy it and not think it too strange.

 Beware, I am altering the underlying mythology that drives Evangelion… slightly.  I'm giving it a Sci Fi feel, so remember: Its not going to be what you expect.  Hopefully its better!  Besides, who is to say what really happened eleven million years or so in the past… 

Remember, Please review! 

Update 4/28/2002 

ARGH!  Just noticed that FFN/Word mutilated my quotation marks!  I think it might have something to do with the way word re-organizes certain characters, like the elipsis, single and double quotes.   Oh well.  I shall repost and maybe this time you'll see it as you should! 

Thanks, 

P.V. 

-

Title                  :**The Source of Tears**

Author               :PitViper (pvalpha@yahoo.com)

Universe            :Neon Genesis Evangelion

Type                 :Short Story/Science Fiction 

Rating               :PG

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Disclaimer:  I don't own Eva.  Gainax owns it along with ADV, Manga, and several others.   The point is, I make no claims to Evangelion, and intend to make no money off this little adventure in their universe.   So please don't sue me.   

--

**Prologue**

The universe has always been a hostile place.   Every substance in the universe could be considered deadly unless their components are combined in such a way to promote life.  That environmental combination was a one in a million shot – the singular combination of acids, bases, liquids, solids, and energy had to be almost exact.  Then time was required.  Time and balance eventually equated to life: The combination of materials generated in the death of stars to create a form whose sole purpose was to expand itself to every possible corner of the habitat it existed in.  Such environments were very rare in the universe. 

But, with the billions and billions of stars in our galaxy alone, and the billions of galaxies in the universe, despite the odds being a million to every one, there were many thousands of planets which possessed the combination required to support life. 

Life seeks to expand.  When it begins, it expands to every possible supportive environment.  When its original environment is oversaturated, the life adapts and grows out of that environment to the next most hospitable one.   It proceeds upon this path until every last part of a planet is teeming with life.  But life doesn't stop expanding at the planet-level.   Like a flower proceeding to bloom, the planet (if it survives long enough) eventually produces a life-form capable of transcending the bounds of gravity and atmosphere.  This life-form will expand into the very inhospitable void that separates one planet from the other; hopefully expanding the boundaries of life to every corner of the Universe.    

Eventually, these life-forms will evolve to the point where even the boundaries of an entire Universe are no match for their willingness to expand.   So, they will move on beyond their own Universe, and enter realms beyond their experience.   Such happened with the species known as the Ancients.   

The Ancients, also known as 'Interon-Angelics', helped to bring life to our galaxy.   After the first native sentient species evolved, and were encountered in space, the Ancients formed the First Commonwealth.   

After almost a billion years of relative peace and harmony, another species entered into the Universe from outside.   This species – bent on the destruction of the ancients – heralded the dark times for the Commonwealth.    After a conflict that lasted almost a thousand years, the invaders were defeated.   Unfortunately, the Commonwealth could no longer stand upon its own.   

Little was known of the Ancients, and nothing survived the purge and slaughter of the Invaders, yet what is known is that shortly after the war, the Interon-Angelics became _transcendent.  As the Ancients grew fewer and fewer in number, and the war-like tendencies many species developed because of the conflict grew; the Commonwealth collapsed in on its own weight.   _

In an attempt to ensure that their species continued in some way, the Ancient seeded many worlds with the genetic legacy.   And, in order to keep these worlds from being exploited by the decaying First Commonwealth, the Ancients engineered a species called 'Angels'.    Based partly of the Interon-Angelic genome and off of another, unknown, species, the Angels were charged with preventing the First Commonwealth from destroying the legacy they seeded within the universe.  

After a few hundred thousand years past, the Second Commonwealth began to form.   This time, the Commonwealth was formed from the few remaining species that had decided that they had enough of war and conflict.   The Angels were integrated into the Commonwealth society as leaders, scientists, teachers, warriors and workers.   The reformed Commonwealth grew quickly thanks to the knowledge preserved by the Angels.   However, much of the Ancient's technology and knowledge were lost to the new Commonwealth.   

What did remain of the Ancients were their weapons.  Although scattered throughout the cosmos, their technology was advanced.  Their warships could lay waste to planet and star system alike with little difficulty.   One First Commonwealth cruiser could defeat a fleet of Second Commonwealth main battleships within an hour.   

Perhaps the most dangerous technology left behind by the ancients was the Teachers.  These devices were capable of 'Enhancing' almost any being, and passing own the Ancient's knowledge.   While there were few Teachers in existence, none possessed the capacity to operate - until the Flagships of the First Commonwealth were discovered…

-

**The Black Moon**

A form slept soundly within the chamber of the _Prenar Avenche.  Her chamber was not spectacular by any stretch of the imagination.   She enjoyed the simple things in life, and preferred her environment, at least her personal environment, to be clutter-free.    _

Of course, this did not stop the clutter from entering into her existence.   The figure's head rested gently on her arm, the slight up and down movement of her body evidence of her breathing.   Clutched in her right hand, which was attached to the arm that was currently acting as support for her head, was a tiny electronic device showing a list of things.   Her left hand, which was dangling at her side, was empty.  But on the floor directly below that dangling appendage, was a simple stylus that could be used to operate the device in her right hand.   

Of course, the table her arm and head now rested on was covered with similar devices.  Some of which were dark, waiting to be activated.  Some of which were powered – brightly displaying their contents for eyes that were currently incapable of discerning their contents.   

As the door to the chamber opened, a soft illumination filled the room, allowing us to discern more about the sleeping occupant.   Her hair was a soft, light blue, and draped down to the midpoint of her back.   Much of it gathered around her head; covering several of the display devices and her arm.    The young woman shifted her weight at the sound of the door opening, but the blue-haired woman did not awaken.   

A shadow appeared in the doorway, and observed the sleeping form for a few moments.   The source of the shadow stepped into the room more - fully revealing himself.   His grey-white hair was impeccably managed, and his sharp, reddish brown eyes took in the sight of the room as the lights rose to allow the visitor to see properly.    The muted colors of his uniform reflected his status in the Science division as Chief Science Officer.   

While the room was clutter-free, it was not without its detractions.   The occupant obviously didn't care about picking things up – especially her clothes.   He noticed a small blouse that was on the floor.   A few moments later a small drone scurried from a port in the wall.  The drone, having sensed a new occupant to the room, gathered the article of clothing and moved it out of harms way.  

The figure chuckled to himself with an almost boyish laugh.   While he hated intruding upon his superior, the situation called for it.  He focused himself, and steeled his voice.  "My lady." He said softly but forcefully.   

The figure asleep upon the table stirred slightly but failed to awaken.    

This caused a smile to reform upon his lips.  "My Lady?" He asked more forcefully.   

Again, the figure stirred slightly, and this time emitted a soft groan.   "G….go…way." 

The smile continued despite the order to leave, and the figure shook his head.  "Minister Ayanami!" He finally shouted.  

The figure shot awake – scattering her hair in all directions and sending several of the display devices she had on the table to their new location upon the ground.  Her bright red eyes shot left and then right, looking for the source of the intrusion.  Finally she settled her eyes on the figure before her.   She watched as he nonchalantly pulled yet another display device and stared at it for a moment.   "Tabris," She muttered, the adrenaline shot quickly fading from her system.   

"My lady," He intoned, not taking his eyes off the display device.   "We've just completed the fold to site theta three.  I have the advance team's report."  

She blinked several times, and continued to stare at him.   

Tabris, without looking up, continued, "As you know, the Theta site had a minimum chance of containing any relevant…"  

"I've done my research well." Lilith Ayanami stated coldly, not liking the tone that the scientist Tabris was using with her.   

"Indeed," was the only comment the young-looking man made.  He finally glanced up from the device.   "And it is research worthy of the scientific cast.  Your extrapolations were precise, and the site contains what we were searching for."   He handed the device to the young woman before him.   "It's unusual for members of the Leadership cast to possess such talents."  

"I was not originally trained for Leadership." Lilith said calmly.  "But my genetics made me a good leader." 

"I see," Tabris said thoughtfully, "Another of the Commonwealth experiments?" 

This brought an angry look to her face, "I am no experiment.  I had tried to deny my inheritance.  The Commonwealth accepted my entry to the Science Academy… but they discovered my genetic history.  I was doing well, and they pulled me out!" 

"It is the way our species has handled its existence for thousands of years…" Tabris intoned almost playfully.   "It is our way of life, as is arranged marriage…"

"I do not need lectures on our society, Tabris." Lilith's anger flared.    

"I think I begin to see what Lord Adam sees within you.   Such a fiery spirit..." Tabris chuckled.   

Ayanami's features softened.  "I guess it could be worse.  I actually like him a bit; although, he is far too traditionalist for my tastes."  

"His genetics are a perfect compliment to your own." Tabris again prodded.  "Life is in the service of life, my Lady."  

"Oh, don't feed me that excrement, Tabris.  We both know that there are advantages and disadvantages to genetic engineering.  We see the results on thousands of worlds.   Remember the Kreen?"  

"You are well studied, my Lady.  I did not think that the Science Academy made those kinds of revelations to the initiates…"  

"Who ever said that I was a lowly initiate?" Lilith intoned almost playfully. 

Tabris blinked in shock, "What level?" 

"Third Fane, order of Carbosa.  I was to be apprenticed under Vashan before they discovered me."  

Tabris blinked several times at this revelation, "Forgive me, Minister, for doubting your abilities.   Third Fane, so close to graduation - And to be apprenticed under the infamous Vashan!  He divined the Horra-Maba theorem."  

"I am well aware.  I was present when he did that.   Our class – I had him for 'Civilizations and Scientific Analysis of Previous Eras' – was a primary factor in the development of why the Horra and Maba were destroyed."   

Tabris stood in awe of Minister Ayanami.   "I see.  So ancient civilizations are a hobby of yours?" 

"There is much that can be learned as a leader from the study of those who had gone before you.   Take Gar Hardin - last known Interon-Angelic, Weapons Master of the First Commonwealth.   Until he disappeared over three hundred thousand years ago, he was considered the most viscous captain to ever command a vessel.   Forty three star systems were vaporized during his campaigns against the Invaders.   He was given the nickname, "Demon who walks with Light."  Yet the First Commonwealth never questioned his activities or stopped his rampages.  Perhaps the reason for that was that he was not responsible for that destruction.  Or if he was, then it was for a greater purpose.  Have you ever studied the Ancients, Tabris?" 

"Only in the periphery, my Lady," Tabris looked at the ground before him. "As you know, I am a technologist by schooling."  

"Adam's senior-most advisor on all that is technological." Ayanami concurred.   "Who advises him in your stead?" 

"Areal, my Lady," Tabris replied softly.  "We are gene mates, and forbidden to reproduce together.  Not that I'd want to… with her.  We love each other as siblings."               

"I see." Ayanami said thoughtfully. "She's not a technologist, but well versed in the mental sciences…  Has Adam reported from his search of the Sigma cluster?" 

Tabris blinked, then smiled.  "Yes.  As you thought – although I am not surprised anymore – he has found it."   

Lilith Ayanami moved to the far wall, carefully avoiding the display devices strewn across the floor, and touched a softly glowing panel.   

Instantly the entire wall became transparent, displaying the area outside the vessel.  Before them was an asteroid measuring one hundred fifty three kilometers in length, and almost one hundred kilometers in height.   Of course, that didn't matter for the mass of the rock.   It was hollow, as was evidenced by the two halves of the construct floating away to reveal what was contained within.    

"I see that they have discovered how to open it, Tabris." Lilith said, in awe of the large vessel revealed to them.   

"I have sent our discoveries to Adam; he will proceed with his find soon.   With these two vessels, nobody would be able to resist us."  Tabris noted to the woman observing the separation procedure.  

"My plans for the ship are not conquest, Tabris.  I simply seek freedom for our people.  Adam agrees with me, the Commonwealth is doomed to fall yet again.   With these ships, we will have the firepower to protect our chosen world from harm."  She gestured grandly at the vessel before her.  "Behold: The _Black Moon.  Flagship of the First Commonwealth, preserved for the future by the Interon-Angelic Gar Hardin.   Perhaps he simply did not wish to see his old vessel scrapped or perhaps he perceived that the day would come when we would need them yet again.   The __White Moon and the __Black Moon, the great equalizers…_

"When will your team be ready to board, Tabris?" She asked, still observing the progress.  

"Within the hour my Lady," Tabris informed the Minister.   

She smiled lightly, before touching the control that would return the opacity to the wall.   "Ensure that if an intact Teacher is found that I will be the first to know of it."  

"Do you still plan..." Tabris started, but earned an angry glance from Lilith.    

"Yes." She said simply.  "I will not allow one of our own to experience it before me.  I will take the risk first.  Have my instructions been relayed to Adam?" 

Tabris grew somewhat agitated at this, "You know he does not like to receive orders from females…"  

"I only care that he obeys." Lilith said softly, "It is for his own safety." 

"I have sent the message, my Minister." Tabris said.   

"Any response?" 

Tabris looked to the ground, "He said nothing, my lady."  

"I see.  I hope he isn't foolish enough to try on his own.   It will destroy him easily."  

"Yes, My Minister." Tabris looked at the now opaque wall.  "He did deliver orders to ensure your safety, Lady Ayanami."  

At this Minister Lilith Ayanami smiled lightly, "He cares for me.  I think I can forgive him almost anything as long as that is true.   I just hope that he does not blindly enter a Teacher.   The Ancients banned them for a reason, Tabris.   Sometimes the essence of a previous 'Student' exists within the device.   And if it is not properly adjusted…"  

"I am aware, my Lady."  Tabris bowed, "I will ensure that the device is properly adjusted before you enter."  He waited patiently near the door.  

"Dismissed, Tabris." Lilith said, sensing that the scientist wished to leave.    

Tabris bowed, and left quickly.   The lights dimmed to the lone occupant's previous setting. "The _Black Moon," Lilith whispered quietly.  Her hand reached out to touch the wall control yet again.  She watched as the monolithic vessel was revealed to her crimson orbs.  "They called you the 'Source of Tears'.   I pray that, for us, you are the source of protection."  _

-

**The Teacher**

"Is it intact," Lilith asked over the com link from the bridge of the _Prenar Avenche. Her vessel was dwarfed by the sheer size of the __Black Moon._

"Intact and operational, My Lady.   There appears to be a bay filled to capacity with them." Tabris' awed voice carried clearly through the speakers.    

"Secure the others, and ensure their safety.   Prepare one for me immediately." Lilith instructed over the speaker.    

"But…" The protest was cut off as Lilith cut the channel.       

"Lance Corporal Tems, please prepare my personal craft." Lilith instructed sharply.   

"Minister." Tems said, then turned to leave.   But before he took a step, he turned back to the minister, "Do you require a pilot, My Lady?" 

"No." Lilith smiled, "I am well versed in the vessel's eccentricities.   In fact, I am the only one actually able to fly it."  

"Yes, my Lady."  The Corporal turned away, and marched to the flight deck.   

-

Tabris had just finished his analysis of the teacher.   Three previous teachers were contaminated with previous personalities.  One had a programming fault caused by physical damage.   One was simply inoperable.   And this one was the first to actually pass his tests.   

"Are you sure about this, Tabris?" A tech called out from a panel in the distance.    Fortunately for them, the ships systems adapted their linguistics to their needs.    "I mean…" 

"There might be a problem with it that I cannot see?" Tabris asked with a touch of humor.   

"Nobody's perfect, sir." The tech said, shrugging.   

Tabris smiled.  He enjoyed the liberties that Ayanami allowed with the crew of the _Prenar Avenche, They were more relaxed than Adam's command.   This allowed them to fulfill their duties more efficiently.   Of course, every once in a while, Lilith did hand out punishments to her crew; but they were always fair and justified.   'Against my better judgment, I like the Minister.'  _

Of course, Tabris knew of the Ayanami's.  There were a long string of the engineered clones stretching back to the creation days.    Most of that past was shrouded in mysticism and secrecy.   After all, they had been created by the Interon-Angelics to protect the new worlds, not form a new Commonwealth.   

Adam's ravings about women having too much power in the Commonwealth aside, Minister Ayanami was an exception to the rest of her gene mates.  The Ayanami's had built a reputation for being violent and ruthless in their commands.   Although they made some of the best military and colonial leaders, they were sometimes unbalanced.   This especially applied to the female members of the Ayanami gene-pool.  

Their most impressive trait was the light blue hair and deep ruby eyes that penetrated your soul.   More than one Ayanami proved capable of advanced telepathy and unheard of mental prowess.   Still, this Ayanami was far different from the others.  She seemed reserved and quiet – the direct opposite of her fiery sisters.  

Of course, Lilith still had fire in her heart.   It was one of the things that Adam found most attractive about the relatively young Angel.   Yet, compared to her sisters, she was almost submissive to Adam.   Almost… 

Adam often asked Lilith to withdraw herself from public service and name him her successor.  Adam believed that she'd make an excellent mother, and a good family woman.   While the thought of natural biological reproduction was disgusting to Tabris, both Lilith and Adam appeared quite positive about the concept.   

"Is it ready?" Ayanami's voice sliced through the air, disrupting Tabris' reflections.   

Tabris' eyes went wide for a moment, looking at Ayanami dressed in a military flight suit.   "Minister Ayanami?" 

"Is something wrong?" Lilith asked.   

Tabris shook his head, "Uh…nothing."  'Why is she in a flight suit?'

Lilith smiled, "Piloting is one of the things I enjoy, Tabris." She watched as Tabris' eyes went wide, as he realized she had read his mind, "It gives me a feeling of freedom of motion and control that being the commander of a starship doesn't possess."  

"I'm sorry, my lady."  Tabris looked at the pilot as she let down her long hair.  "The device is ready.  But I still…"  

Lilith raised her hand.  "The time for this is long past, Tabris.  I am no child, and neither are you.  You have warned me numerous occasions, and I have given you my logic.  I will be deterred no longer."  

"I understand, Minister." Tabris nodded.  "All personnel leave." Tabris instructed sharply.   

The entire crew of eight who were performing checks on the strange device looked up at Tabris, then to the Minister.    

"Dismissed." Lilith ordered.   

The men finished their current tasks, then left.   One of the last techs, the one who had spoken to Tabris earlier, paused beside Ayanami.  "Ma'am… It's dangerous.  We wouldn't try to keep you from doing it if it wasn't." 

Lilith nodded, "It's my life, Annan.  You have been a very good student, and I'm glad I knew you."  

Annan's eyes grew, "You don't expect to survive, do you?" 

"I'm being truthful, Annan.  I can't help but look at the odds scientifically.  Do not worry, though.  If I live, I will still be the same."  

Annan nodded nervously.  "Be careful."  

Lilith nodded softly, and then looked at the device. She stated her last word to him with iron finality, "Goodbye."    

The tech looked at the device, sighed once, then left.   

"Your pupil?" Tabris asked from the control console.   

"In a way.   He asked for help from the others, no one would grant him audience.   As a lowly tech, the Sciences wouldn't accept him into their circles.  After all he's a non-engineered; you know how they're treated."   

"Yes." Tabris said.  

"Imagine when I took it upon myself to teach him.   He has been a very good student.   I just hope that I've taught him well."   

"He is quiet when it is required and forceful when the need arises.  He will one day be accepted as more than a tech.   Your influence has been strong."  

Lilith stepped up to the chamber. "I hope that I told him the truth… ensure that I come out of this thing as myself, Tabris." Lilith instructed.   

Tabris nodded, "I can do my best."  

"You have my last neural-scan, correct?" Ayanami whispered her question.   

Tabris again nodded, having strained to hear her silent question.  

"Then make sure that what comes out matches what went in.  If it doesn't… then Adam will have to find a new mate." 

Tabris gasped, "I… you… you want me to…"  

"Yes." Lilith replied softly.  "Make it quick, if you can." 

"I…" 

"It is an order from the current superior officer of the _Prenar Avenche.  Do not disobey me." Lilith looked at the device again, and tried to divine how she would get inside of it.    _

"It shall be as you order, my minister." Tabris said softly, touching several controls.   "The device's self destruct sequence has been armed.  I simply need press a control and…"  

"Set the delay long enough to ensure your escape." Ayanami instructed.   

Tabris smiled softly, "I was told to protect your life with my own… if necessary.   If your life ends, then so does mine."  A shrill sound echoed in the room, announcing the danger of the setting used by Tabris on the device.  "It is set for instantaneous destruct."  

Ayanami looked at the device.  "What do I do…"  

Tabris' smile disappeared, as he hesitantly hit several buttons on the console.   A light appeared in the ceiling, and the device became nearly transparent.  "Simply touch it."  

"I see…"  

Several moments after Ayanami reached out her hand to touch the device, an unholy scream could be heard echoing down the empty corridors of the _Black Moon as Lilith was absorbed into the embrace of the Teacher.   _

-

**Epilogue**

Lilith Ayanami looked at herself in the mirror of her quarters.   Her hair was matted to her face, as sweat was exuded from each pore of her body.   However it was not the sweat that was causing her to examine herself, it was the tears flowing from her eyes.    

For the past five days, she could not stop the tears from flowing.  Her mind was crowded with horrific images imparted by the teacher.  Not to mention the physical pain and pressure that the insertion of those memories caused in her mind.     

She had been changed by the device – both physically and mentally.   The physical changes amounted to minor alterations to her cellular structure and genetics.   According to the Med-Techs, the enhancements did noting to her viability as an Angel.   In fact, she was healthier now than ever.   Her genetic aging processes had been stopped by the device; her body was no longer decaying in the natural cycle that was life.    It didn't make her immortal in the terms of being indestructible, but if she could avoid serious injury – she would know eternal life.   

As for her mind, Ayanami could only ask herself questions.  What had the Teacher done to her?  There were words that came to her mind, but the most salient one was 'rape'.   It had 'raped' her mind, forced upon her knowledge that she would never want to possess.   It had stolen her innocence.

'How can I face Adam, knowing what I know?' She looked at her face in the mirror.  "I know why the ship was called the 'Source of Tears'."   The vessel was used in its last days as a training ship.  Many men experienced the tortures of the Teachers within her hull and aboard her decks.  As the salty liquid streamed down her face, she realized that she felt… soiled.   

She confirmed this thought when she opened a drawer on the vanity and looked at one of the objects within.   Instantly her mind provided her a thousand uses for the object – a simple device.  Some of the uses would allow her to injure an opponent.  Some would allow her to torture said opponent.  Most involved killing the opponent.   As she looked at the other former innocuous objects in her room, she realized how her mind had been changed by the knowledge the teacher imparted.    

Of course, the use for the object now was clear.  She knew what she wanted to do with it.   'Such a simple device' she said, wrapping her fingers around it.   As she put her fingers through the device's manipulators, she brought the sharp objects up quickly to the side of her neck.   Grabbing a lock of long blue hair, the devices made a 'snick' sound as they opened, and a sharp 'snip' sound as they closed.    

Lilith Ayanami watched a long lock of soft blue hair floated gracefully to the ground.   

-

The door to Lilith Ayanami's chamber opened, flooding light into the dim room.   The ship, sensing the presence of another person, raised the illumination to a safe level.    The raised lights revealed the face of Tabris – who was looking into the room with a hesitant glance.    

The first thing Tabris noticed was that the Vanity had a pair of scissors upon it, and tufts of light blue hair were scattered everywhere upon its surface and on the floor.   In the corner, the door for the maintenance drone was barred shut, to prevent it form entering.    Discarded clothes and display devices littered the floor.   Tabris blinked at the mess.    

The outside wall was transparent, allowing a view of the _Black Moon in the distance.   As Tabris brought his eyes to the wall, he noticed a shadow outlined from the illumination provided from the outside scene.  Before he could speak, the young woman inclined her head to the floor, showing her impromptu haircut off.    "I couldn't… It felt dirty."  _

Tabris blinked.   "But the scans.  They all show normal."  

A nervous chuckle came from the figure standing before the wall.  "I know.  I'm still me.  But how can anyone be themselves after experiencing _that?"  _

"It's been five days, Minister." Tabris said, still not having moved from his spot in the entranceway.  

"I needed to collect myself." She said coldly.  "I couldn't just… face them without making sure that I could face myself.   I didn't believe that it was possible to cry so much."      

Tabris nodded, although it went unseen from her position.  "Knowledge is harsh and cruel with its truth when it is forced upon those unwilling to bear its secrets."   

This caused the figure to look up, and turn slightly to the doorway.   "You speak that as though you know of it first hand, Tabris." 

Tabris smiled sadly, "Like you, My Minister, I did not ask for my vocation.   I was delivered upon it.  All I ever wanted to be was a simple farmer, to tend the land and the soil - perhaps to have a companion who enjoyed the simple things in life as well.   I believe I would have made a good farmer.  It is genuinely satisfying to watch something grow and live, and to know that your ministrations help others to survive."

Lilith smiled, "And here I am, huddled in my quarters, complaining about something I demanded."   

Tabris shook his head calmly, "You are entitled, my lady.  Your experience will make it safer to use the devices on others.  If necessary," Tabris' expression went cold.  "But I'm afraid it is already too late to prevent damage… Adam…"  He found that he couldn't continue.    

Ayanami's eyes grew wide, "Tabris…" 

"They think he'll be ok." Tabris said softly, "He was like a father to me, you know.   He took Areal and I in when nobody else wanted us.  I guess that's why I'm so loyal to him now."  

Tears found their way to Lilith's eyes, "Is he?"  

"Areal is good at healing mind injuries.   His was… severe.   I have hope and faith, however."  Tabris voice quivered, revealing just how tenuous that hope was.      

"I see." Lilith turned back to the view beyond her wall hoping to hide her tears.     

"She'll be ready to go soon.  Our teams have confirmed that she is fully functional.   All drive systems operational and all power systems responsive." Tabris notified, finding comfort in doing his duty.   

"What of the _White Moon?" Ayanami asked.  _

"She is in worse condition.   Someone found her and stripped the heavier weapons systems.   But even one of the _Moon class vessels is more than a match for the entire Commonwealth fleet.    The __White Moon will make an excellent colony transport.   She still has some of her armaments and a full compliment of fighters.  Evidently those weren't stolen."     _

After a moment watching the figure, Tabris considered leaving.   Just as he was about to turn around, however, Lilith's soft voice reached his ears.   

"Have we done the right thing?" She asked quietly.   

Tabris contemplated telling her the news, and decided that it would probably soothe her conscience.  "Two days ago, the Bren'an attempted to succeed from the Commonwealth.   Their fleet engaged the Forty Second detachment of the _Aberanche.   Both fleets were heavily damaged.  It has begun.  Now that one world has attempted to succeed, others will follow.  The Fall is imminent."   _

Lilith nodded softly, the action both a dismissal and a thanks.   Until that news, she could not be sure that what she had sacrificed would be worth it.   But now, her mind could rest on that subject – and move to the next.    'Why had Adam done it?'  She knew the power of the teachers, and what they could do to an unprepared mind.   'What it did to my mind…' she reflected.   She knew that Adam would never be the same; she only hoped that he could be helped. 

As the lights dimmed once again in the room, she looked out at the massive vessel, and prayed that it was the salvation for their race, and a hope for the future. 

--

Author's Notes: 

Well, what do you think?  This story came from some of my background notes for Conversations and Observations.   It's decidedly Sci-Fi.   

What I am trying to do is tell the story from a perspective of life eleven million years before the events in Evangelion.   These stories will be my attempt to explain the Angels and their decidedly technological appearance.   Covered in these short stories will be the source of the Angel Core, the angels themselves, and why the angels act the way they do.  

I guess that I'm also changing some of the mythos around Adam and Lilith.   Lilith, although being a good character, will have many moments of darkness.   She now has knowledge of war and combat from a species that excelled at such activities.   Don't worry, the focus will remain on Lilith.  After all, this is the background story to explain the source of Rei Ayanami's soul.   

As for calling her Lilith Ayanami, I thought: 'What if the Dead Sea scrolls gave Lilith's last name to Gendo.'   The familiarity of the last name would allow Gendo to manipulate Rei more easily, as well as cause the soul of Lilith not to realize that its being used.   How?  Easy.  Ayanami would be familiar to Lilith.  Being called Ayanami would make her feel at ease in the new form.  By using Rei, she gains her own unique identity.   She is both Lilith and not Lilith.   Comfortable enough to not probe her memories to her past, but detached enough to not realize who she once was.   

Of course, that emotional baggage from being Lilith still shines through, as is evidenced by her attitude towards life.   

I hope you have enjoyed this fic.   The "Tears" series will fill in the gaps between "Path of Tears" and "Source of Tears", as well as give us a good insight into the soul that inhabits Ayanami Rei.   While this is not exactly Evangelion, I hope it fits well into there, because its based heavily on it.   

Again, Please Review.   While I plan on writing more about it anyways, it will help me know if I should continue to post or not.    

Thanks, 

P.V.   


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